It has step by step illustrations and the directions contain the most simpleton caveman like vocabulary I've ever read in my life. It states the most obvious facts, but I guess there really are people that dumb out there to mandate it. Yeah, I guess dummies need lovin' too! Hopefully they get it right so they don't bring a little dummy to the world as a result of not following them properly.
Anyway back to the condom box. It's literally like the "dummies" book series, only dumber. Here are some excerpts that I found most entertaining along with my 2 cents:
BEFORE SEX:
1-.."Handle condom gently.." - (yeah, because condoms have feelings too!"
2-"Put condom on as soon as penis is hard." - (As if it even possible to roll a condom down a limp, lifeless, flacid penis if you tried.)
3-"Hold tip while you unroll condom...all the way down to the hair." (This can prove to be confusing to some boneheads who may shave, be pube deficient to begin with, or lead him to wrap it around his balls since they have hair too). "If condom doesn't unroll, it's on wrong.." (No shit Sherlock!) .."Throw it away".. (don't keep it as a souvenir) .."Start over with a new one (this product is not recyclable).
AFTER SEX:
"Dispose of used condom properly, not in the toilet" (yeah, dummy, don't clog up the john).."Turn and move completely away before you let go of condom" (now the girl is gonna think you think she has cooties). "And no more sex without a new condom." (I'm the condom box and you have to listen to me cause I'm the boss of you!).."If condom breaks and semen spills or leaks, don't panic" (what they really mean is don't scream like a little bitch). " But quickly wash semen away with soap and water" (since when was that effective and neutralizing sperm?)
Now that I stop to think about it there are obvious labels everywhere. The tag on my hair dryer says "do not use while in the bathtub." My starbucks says "careful, the beverage you're about to enjoy is extremely hot." Cigarettes say "Tobacco increases your chances of cancer. Man we really are surrounded by idiots!
Sent via her BlackBerry
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