Yesterday on my ascent from the subterranean parking garage up to my office, in my usual hurried fashion, I was taken aback when I noticed a ginormous beige praying mantis on the wall of the narrow hallway I travel through to get to the courtyard entrance of the building. I paused for a while, trying to decipher how I would move swiftly pass the huge dead palm leaf plant so generously placed there by one of the buildings tenants, as though there was a sign in the hallway that read “There is a trash dumpster downstairs, but who cares? Just leave all your abandoned shit here.”
The scenario: Large, scary mantis on the left wall. Big, dead palm plant directly across from it with it’s dead, crispy leaves treacherously reaching out towards the opposite wall. This left very little space for me to scurry on by without disturbing the mantis and risk it jumping on me while I scream bloody murder.
The options: Go back downstairs and take the long way around the front of the center and up the stairs and walk in the office a few minutes late or tip toe ever so slowly past the little beast so as not to disturb or anger it and get to the office just in time.
With a worried expression plastered on my face, I tread ever so slowly past the vicious little monster, my skin crawling at the thought that those large praying claws might be on my skin. I breathed a sigh of relief as I reached the door, glanced over my shoulder and saw that I left the mantis undisturbed.
I went through this torture two more times that day – once during lunch and the last on my way home. During lunch, I couldn’t get over how huge this thing was. I decided it would be a brilliant idea to snap a photo of it for this blog. So that readers out there know these are real world stories that I don’t just conjure up randomly in my head. I pulled my Blackberry out of my purse, ever so slowly and put my camera on. My zoom function was all wonky and there was no way in hell I was going to go close to the thing, so I took a picture from far away that resulted in a small splotch of beige on a purple wall. Oh well, I found two extra magnified photos online that help paint the picture of what I was faced with. As I snapped the picture, the camera sound effect went off, and I kid you not, I saw the mantis’ head turn 180 degrees and stare at me with its large compound eyes. (Upon some internet research, I learned they also have 3 other simple eyes located between its two giant ones. I also saw a video of a mantis hunting, catching, and then eating a small field mouse. AAAHHH!) Anyway, so I proceeded to step back slowly and move away from the monster before I book it through the courtyard doors. That little bugger stayed in one place for 9 hours straight. I swore I would see it again this morning but thank God it went on its merry way. Or maybe it’s hiding in the dead palm plant, blending in and laughing as it plots to jump in my hair once I pass by.
Now, now, I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t you just kill it? Killing it is not an option. For one: It’s outside in nature. That’s his turf. For two: Although mantis give me the hibitty jibbitys, they are good because they kill pests such as flies. Not to mention that females sometimes eat their mate after, or even during a sack session. I once saw something on National Geographic of the latter; she chopped his head clean off but his bottom half continued to do the deed. Perhaps he asked her to “give him some head” and she was like, “how about YOU give me some head!” Ouch. Never underestimate the cunning qualities of our insect friends. But still, despite the risk of getting risqué with a female mantis, males continue to pursue and consummate with the fairer sex. It’s a fact, even in the world of bugs, men will do anything for sex; even if it means doing it with a cannibal.
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