"I'm just here to walk my dog"

As I buckle the leash on my dogs collar and venture out into the street, I am sometimes interupted by annoying men. I don't know what it is about a girl walking down the street, but whatever's in the air causes some of the most annoying behavior ever. I can't count the number of times I've either:

A) Sarcastically laughed and belittled a guy for their inappropriate sidewalk advances

B) Rolled my eyes in disgust and ignore a guy completely, acting as if he's non-existent

C) Gave a guy the finger, and sometimes the double bird if he really deserves it

Guys, guys, guys..trust me when I say that any intelligent, headstrong, or quality woman would ever take heed to your advances when she's out walking her dog on the street. You will not appear suave and coy by pulling your car up to her as she walks and you slowly roll alongside her to spit your pathetic game. Instead, you'll creep her out and you may get maced if she carries one of those keychain thingys.

That kinda bullshit only works in music videos, where bimbos and hoes will gladly flock to your car in their skivvies.

In real life, a classy female does not wish to be "holla"d" at. Please, please spare yourself the embarrasment.

And here's another thing- Don't call us "baby" or "shawty" or "boo" or any other fuckin' lame term of endearment you've recently looked up in the slang dictionary lately. If you want to say hello, here's how you do it: Hello! Period!

While you're driving down the street, man oh man does it make us want to chop your ding-a-ling like a sushi roll when you honk obnoxiously, yell out any of the aforementioned "TOD'S", and worst of all, make kissy noises or wolf whistle out of your window like a NYC construction worker. You big pig, there's nothing pussier than a hit-on-u-and-run. If you don't have the cojones to act a fool on foot then don't be a coward and do it while driving, skating, bicycling, etc. I swear I'm going to clothesline one of you someday!

Lastly, I'm a nice person so if you're unassuming and just being neighborly, great. But if you use the "what kind of dog is that?" line only as a lead in to follow it with some sort of advance, then shuddafukkupp and let me walk my dog in peace, I can see right through you.

Recently I had an encounter that is the first of its kind on the street. I was at a stoplight awaiting the big red hand to change to the white walkin stick man, dog in tow. A group of young guys, seemingly drunk walked to my side of the street. Two of them jaywalked and thought they were the coolest kids on the block for breaking the law. Fucking amateurs. I'm standing there, minding my own business when I feel someone lightly grab at my arm as he asked in his best cool guy voice "eh, what kind of dog is that?"

I slowly turned my head to face his direction, gave him an icy death stare, and calmly, but authoritavely said "Don't fucking touch me. I don't know you", and turned my gaze back to the street in front of me. He standed there silent for several minutes with his tail between his legs before whimpering out "I just wanted to know what kind of dog that is!"

Yeah. Riiight. Sure. And I like getting touched by strangers.

Sent via her BlackBerry